When Valerie and Jackie, a pair of attractive young advertising executives from New York City, meet up in a saloon in the Arizona desert, with Jake, a dusty but big-hearted local cowboy, they had no idea that all of their lives would forever change. Unbeknownst to Valerie, she has inherited a small fortune from the father she never knew. After finally being found and apprised of her father's will by Milton Shebach, Esq., a Manhattan lawyer with a penchant for lunch at The Four Seasons, all Valerie has to do is deliver her parents' ashes to her Uncle Arch, a chicken and egg farmer in Marion, Indiana and the fortune would be hers. Little does Valerie know that Lisa, the half-sister she's never met, has designs on their father's posthumous bounty as well. Lisa and her husband, Walt, devise a maniacal plan to steal the ashes from Valerie and pass off an imposter as Valerie. Walt has his own secrets, too. Even Lisa is unaware of them. In addition to his career as a mogul in rice futures, he's deeply involved in an international ring of illicit traders specializing in the import and export of endangered and exotic animals. Having fallen head over heels for each other, Jake and Valerie come to the other's rescue; she, to donate a huge amount of money to Jake's horse sanctuary and he, to help her deliver her parents ashes to Indiana. Jackie is along for the ride, too - a city girl who learns how to play 'Cows' somewhere on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Over a several-day period, Jake and the girls encounter a plethora of absurd characters, from has-been detectives to wayward religious fanatics to meth dealers to Jon Voight and Rudy Giuliani to the producers of Shark Tank and many more that you wouldn't necessarily want to introduce to your mother. A high-speed chase results in the absurd converging on Arch's farm in a cloud of dust one fateful morning. It is up to Marion Police Lt. George Armstrong Custer to sort out the entire mess. And, according to Arch's son, JP, the whole thing is one gigantic clusterfu-----er, Custerfluck.