Then one night, he smokes crack.

Now he's hurtling face-first into the seedy underbelly of small-town Britain: from pimping his girlfriend out of a stolen ice cream van to launching a crypto-dogging empire called DoggChain. Along the way, he botches robberies, runs a cactus porn studio in a garden centre, sells fake funerals to real pensioners, and starts an OnlyFans agency for people with extremely niche fetishes.

He's a crackhead. He's a criminal. He's also absolutely fucking useless.

A blisteringly filthy dark comedy full of swearing, sex, stupidity, and spice, CRACKHEAD is what happens when Trainspotting shags The Office behind a Wetherspoons bin. It's bleak, brilliant, and outrageously funny.

Warning: Not for the easily offended. Or the moderately offended. Or really, anyone who thinks "that's a bit much."

Rumour has it CRACKHEAD might be heading to TV soon. So read it now before it gets banned, burned, or turned into a rubbish TV version starring a bloke who was an extra in Eastenders in 1987!

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"I laughed so hard I pissed myself. Twice."
- Janice, Amazon Verified Reviewer & part-time bingo caller
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"Like Trainspotting, but with more Greggs, crack, and cum jokes. A masterpiece."
- Dave in Hull, currently on bail
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"Offensive, obscene, morally bankrupt - 10/10."
- Guardian Reader who won't admit they loved it
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"I was reading this on the bus and laughed so hard I farted. No regrets."
- Sharon B, NHS admin, bladder control issues
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"This book cured my depression. Or gave me a new, funnier one. Either way, thanks."
- Colin, failed magician, full-time legend
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